Somethings Different

Enough talk. Today is the day I actually acted on something. I quit my job. This may have been one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, but it’s done. As of December 30, 2005, I will no longer be an employee of Lance Construction Supplies. What I’ll be doing instead…I have no fucking idea. I might go travel for a while, or I might spend the winter looking out my apartment window. In any event, I’ve taken care of the last reminder of 2005. Things can only get better. I think it was the tattoo that finally pushed me over the edge, that a good dose of encouragement and advice from some friends.

7 Things

As requested by a friend and roommate from a long time ago.

7 things I plan to do before I die:
1. Find a job that is rewarding in a non-monetary sense
2. Brew some really good beer
3. Go on tour
4. Figure out what in life really matters
5. Travel outside of the U.S.
6. Make an actual, semi-professional recording
7. Figure out who I am and why I’m the way that I am

7 things I can do:
1. Over-analyze a situation to the point of thinking I see its root causes.
2. Point out the strengths of the opposite side of your argument.
3. Waste entire days at work on the internet.
4. Play the drums
5. Brew beer
6. Self-loathe
7. Party hard

7 things I cannot do:
1. Sing.
2. Dance.
3. Get interested in pop culture.
4. Control myself.
5. Fight this feeling anymore.
6. Get around to fixing things in desperate need of repair.
7. Avoid the paradox of not caring about tomorrow yet being afraid of it.

7 things that attract me to another person:
1. A sense of direction.
2. Eyes.
3. Honesty.
4. Creativity.
5. An appreciation for bourbon.
6. Flexibility (not in a perverted sense).
7. Ability to listen.

7 things I say most often:
1. Makers on the rocks
2. I don't remember that.
3. I hate my job.
4. This is Andy, can I help you? (pathetic)
5. What a bunch of bullshit.
6. I need to start being more positive.
7. That's true, but...

7 people I want to fill this out:
I don't think 7 people will read this.

Hang in There

Thanksgiving weekend has come and gone, and I am reluctantly back at work. This was supposed to be the week that I got the nerve to quit, but I’ve been waffling more than John Kerry in an IHOP. (I should really consider being a comedian in the style of only telling outdated jokes that aren’t funny in the first place) Anyway, I can’t bring myself to actually do what I know I really should. I don’t want to work here any more, yet I continue. Why? A paycheck. An undignified pursuit of a few scraps of somebody's dream. Having this job affords me the luxury of paying rent, buying shit, and getting drunk. What a worthless existence.

In an interesting turn, I’ve taken to spending lots of money instead of saving it. It took me about 30 seconds to realize that I am trying to keep myself from quitting because if I spend all my money, I won’t have anything saved to be comfortable for an extended period of time without a steady source of income. I don't want the paycheck that I'm getting, so I'll keep working, but just spend everything I make. Well, at least the money is well spent, as evidenced by my rapidly healing new tattoo.



The thing about the tattoo is that I got it because it seemed like a funny idea, but it also has come to represent the point in my life I feel I am at. I'm trying to hang in there, and do the "right thing," because I'm afraid of what will happen if I let go. Something inside me says I should bite the bullet and just keep my job, hoping to find something else sooner or later. What I am realizing though, is that while I do that, I'm slowly killing myself. So, I can hang around while I rot away, or I can let go of the branch and send whatever's left of me hurtling towards the future, unsure of what will become of me.

A friend asked what I am thankful for this holiday season, and honestly, I am most thankful that this year is nearly over. Happy Holidays.

Let's try this again.

I'm coughing my lungs out. Last night, Eviction Party had our first show. It went over pretty well, or as well as first shows at The Mutiny can be expected to go. Having only 5 songs, plus a fucking awesome cover, made for a short, sweet, and sloppy set. People seemed to be pretty pleased; as far as I could tell, nobody walked out in disgust.

A friend from a long time ago pointed something out that made me think. I asked her what she thought of our set, and her reply was "You play the same as the last time I saw you." She was referring to my old band xHIKEx, a band that hasn't been around, minus one reunion show, since 2000. It's gotten me thinking, what else in my life is as stagnant as my drumming evolution? I also saw and old friend's band on JBTV (thanks to Eric for the reminder), and it made me sort of sad. Here is a guy who has been playing in a band for almost 10 years, tours all over the world, yet didn't seem very happy. I'm working at a dead-end job that I keep talking about quitting, but can't pull the trigger. The reason? I don't really know what I want to do instead. I've started to develop some ideas, but the follow through isn't there.